Sweet, sweet amie. How lovely it is to wake at 3:45am to a hungry infant and see your text and know that I am not alone.

I honestly didn’t think it was possible to be this tired and still be awake. I mean, I’ve been tired before. Really really tired. Thirty-hour–shift-in–residency-tired. But, at least then, there was a mandate requiring I get a compensatory 16 hours off of any duty, at all, for rest and recuperation. Don’t pilots have the same thing? And truck drivers? Why not parents? I’m going on three years of sleep deprivation, here.

Remember when that study came out showing that driving while tired is akin to driving while intoxicated? So, can that be extended to parenting? I mean, am I just as useless to my children tired as I would be drunk? A poor comparison on a couple of levels. For one, I think we can both agree that I am way more fun when drunk than when tired. And two, no one will ever arrest me for being too tired to parent. Even when I wish they would because at least then, I could get some sleep! No way a noisy cell is any more disruptive to sleep patterns than a screaming infant or a sick preschooler.

The true problem with this intense fatigue is that it makes me the absolute worst version of myself. My patience falls precipitously to unfairly low levels (I mean, how can my just-past-three-year-old daughter forget to flush every fucking time?), I look hideous (those poor bastards at my local grocery asked me today if I needed help - not “help bagging,” or “help out to [my] car,” just “help”), and I’m overly suspicious of the motives of everyone in my family (currently, I’m convinced that little Harvey, barely 5 weeks old, is taunting me from his basinet where he is visibly REMing). What. The. Fuck. Question mark.

HOWEVER, on the very bright and early side of all of this, being up at 4am has its advantages, even on the days I don’t work. I generally get to finish a cup of coffee while it is still warm. I have a chance to take a shower that lasts longer than 2 1/2 minutes and may even include conditioner. AND I get to make a hot breakfast for June (and Tygh, if he’s not rushing off for an early case). Today, thanks to June’s recent obsession with pancakes (read: required breakfast food every day I’m not working and am home to make them for the past 3 months) and my love affair with spelt flour, I made Power Pancakes: spelt buttermilk pancakes topped with nut butter and toasted nuts and/or granola. Fast, healthy, delicious and just this side of indulgent, it almost makes me happy to be “awake” so early.

What’s on your agenda for the day, cherie??

Power Pancakes (aka Spelt Pancakes topped with stuff)

3/4 C plus 2 T buttermilk
1 C spelt flour (use AP flour if you want, but then use less buttermilk)
2 T sugar (optional)
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla (optional)

2T Nut Butter/Granola/Toasted Nuts/Dried fruit, set aside

Mix dry ingredients. Mix wet ingredients. Add wet to dry. Batter will be thick, almost gloppy. You can thin with more buttermilk, if you want, but the thinner it is, the less fluffy they will be. Pour out a pancake into the pan. We generally make shapes, letters or numbers around here - God forbid any learning opportunity is missed. Sprinkle with dried fruit, nuts and/or granola (I use homemade granola from that Early Bird recipe you sent years ago, although I use chopped whole almonds instead of pecans because of June’s allergy). When some bubbles come to the surface, flip! Serve topped with nut butter or, for a more traditional take, with butter and syrup.